Duck Opener 2013

Double Dinner

There is a legend called "double dinner".

Rumor has it if you beg hard enough between two miscommunicating humans, and bark "kibble" three times in the mirror, it will appear.

I think Sharky got double dinner last night, but I'm not sure. But confusion is part of the scam, right?

Sharky has devoted his whole life to food. I have wrestled him on the street over rotting lemon slices and black banana peels. If he did get double dinner, it would be the crowning achievement of his 4 to 5 years.

Sharky hypnotizing a crumb

....

...Hopefully, he never discovers some families free-feed...

Wordless Wednesday: It's Not Poop

I thought Sharky wouldn't eat that open tube of paint, so he did.

Summer End

It's the 11th... and by my calculations, officially mid-August.

Time to step back and wonder where the summer went. Bones? Naps? Beach?

Truthfully I hawked Sharky off on my parents for days so I could go out of town or take care of things at home. He'd go for a weekend, then I'd sprain my ankle and just leave him with my mom... Heh heh heh.

Kidding, I really missed him when he was gone. Descending and ascending the stairs before and after sleep is a daily ritual and it felt awful and lazy to be exempt from that. And, without a dog, a serial killer could sneak in via the balcony and nobody would bark! When Sharky was gone I seriously had to lie awake to fend off murderers.

So, Sharky being out of town with my parents really didn't work for me, even though I wasn't obligated to run up and down those stairs a million extra times a day. But the Fourth and Memorial Day are behind us, now it's August, and I don't think anymore weekend drinking barbeques are coming up. So we have the whole last summer month together...

...To shake our fists at tourists and count down the days until September!!

The other day on our walk, Shark dived for a passing cyclist. He's never gone after bikes, and really, hasn't gone after any since but now I feel paranoid about everything that passes us. I look forward to the crowds thinning so I can walk him without getting freaked and coming home with a "story".

Starting My Kitchen Dogfighting Ring

I live in a complex that's ~1500 units. It's got cheap rates for the area and is a dog free-for-all, also a huge draw. Leash laws apply but a couple of neighbors don't care/are too important/"he's friendly".

Today when I was walking in the door with Sharky we were rushed by a senior pug sans owner.

"HE'S NOT FRIENDLY!" I screamed to an empty hallway, kicking my dog through the door. Mystery pug followed. Everything was chaos and a dogfight ensued in my kitchen.

I've never broken up a dogfight without the other owner. I tried ripping the strange dog away but the he just struggled and screamed out of my arms. He smashed facefirst into the tile and my dog plowed back into him.

Not sure how but I finally scooped up the pug and slammed the door on Sharky's face. It was total velociraptors-in-the-kitchen shit.

I spent a moment in the hallway doing mental dry heaves. This pug forgot, or forgave, or never cared in the first place, and danced around kissing my face. At some point his harness had fallen off so I looked at it to confirm there were no tags. Of course.

Now I had to come to grips with the fact this missing, nameless dog was my responsibility. (The animal hoarder inside whispered "We can keep him forever. We'll make it work.") But then there was faint whistles. The dog didn't respond so I cried to the darkness "IS SOMEONE LOOKING FOR A BLACK PUG?!"

The whistles faded in and out but I eventually flagged this person down. He was three floors below.

Turns some disengaged man WAS casually looking for his black pug! He got his dog and his harness. I started to explain what horrors transpired.

"He entered my house..." I say to somebody's back.
 "Oh? Thanks!" floats a voice in the distance.
"....No problem!" I tell the speck on the horizon.

In conclusion if I ever had kids I'd totally punch the bad parents. Sometimes I feel crazy when I'm confronted by people who don't worry about dogs. Personally, I spend hours psychoanalyzing nose licking.

 

Now I'm on the couch trying to stop sweating. Sharky is by my side with a total "I sure nailed that fucker" attitude.

New Trick

I've been trying to get Sharky to hold still while I put food on his face!

Normally I don't try this because when food is held next to Sharky's head he actively avoids it. And then I'm kind of chasing his face with a morsel and he'll do a slow-motion fall.

(Also I decided I need to teach him to stack food on his body.)

It took some maneuvering but he's catching on, and now I should go buy some jumbo milkbones...

Throwback Thursday

February, 2011. Petfinder result for young basenji male: